Why
by Punk Knut
Summary: Draco is confused, what is Lucius doing? Why is he acting like this? Where could this possibly go? Was it right? And finally, why? LMDM Slash
1. Pondering

**Why: Chapter One

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Summary: Draco is confused, what is Lucius doing? Why is he acting like this? Where could this possibly go? Was it right? And finally, why? (LM/DM)

Disclaimer: None of the characters or places belong to me, no money is gained.

Warning: This story will become rather graphic and will have mentions of sexual content, violence and probably vulgar language. It will be a slash, and if you can't handle that I recommend you don't read beyond this point.

**Chapter One: Pondering

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These days my father was someone different. I didn't understand it, I didn't know how and why or whether it would affect the family, but it was affecting me, in more ways than one.

In the old days, my father had been commanding and cruel, but he always had that fatherly pride which would make me glow, I lived off his pride and it drove me. It was as if everything that I did, everything I said had a part of my father in it. But then, one day, it stopped. The force was gone, nothing was there to drive me. He left me - in a way. It was like he wasn't proud of me anymore, I knew he was, but... It was different. And I didn't like different.

I had spent so much of my time trying to figure it out, trying to find out what had gone wrong, what had I done? I knew it was me, and not Mother. She hadn't done a thing, she hadn't changed anything. I'm not even sure she noticed that there was a difference. Its like she didn't even see the person I saw in my father. He had become two men. The Public Lucius and the Private Lucius. The latter was the one that only I saw.

At first I had considered myself insane. I would think and think about it. Why was I the only one who saw him as two? Why? I was confused, beyond confused, I was... I don't even this there's a word for it, but my father had changed, for the better or worse I wasn't sure yet - but I knew I was gunna find out, and soon.

Father's mood had been changing so frequently these days I found it hard to keep up. Mother still hadn't noticed, not even the moods. I was going crazy, or maybe not...

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It had come to the point where I had decided to avoid Father completely, I couldn't handle the look he kept giving me. I had no idea what it meant. It was so pensive, I didn't get it. What was he pondering? And why did he continue to look at me like that? Why me? What the f""k did he want!

I knew I couldn't anger him, he would just get angry, get violent. I confused myself more everytime I thought about it. So I tried to distract myself.

Reading was a good pastime for me, but it still didn't work well enough. The wireless was okay. The only thing that would help me was quidditch, and even then if I didn't train hard enough my mind would start to wander and lead me right back to the subject I was trying to avoid.

It was now that I lay on my bed reading, ignoring the argument Mother and Father were having down the hall.

Mother and Father fought often. When looking at Mother she didn't look like the sort of woman who would put up much of a fight, but whoever thougth that was sorely mistaken. Mother was vicious when she had to be. She never took any of Father's crap. Contray to popular beleif, my father didn't run the family, my Mother did. She got it from her mother, and Black women were fierce.

So Mother and Father were fighting. Mother had been organising a party, much to Father's horror. Father wasn't exactly the kind of social person everyone thought him to be. He hated company, and since the Dark Lord went back into hiding after his encounter with Potter at the end of the last school year, he hadn't had or been on as many visits as the years before. Mother wasn't happy about this, but Father was over-joyed - if you find that believable.

The sound of Mother storming down the stairs was clearly hear throughout the Manor, even considering its size.

Father hadn't let the room yet. The Manor was getting so old the creaks in floorboards were so audible it was almost shameful. But suddenly, I heard the creak of the floorboard outside my door.

"Draco? Draco? Are you in there?"

My body slumped as I hurried to regain myself before setting down my book and crossing the room to my door. Opening the door wide enough to fit my head through, I blinked at my father.

"Yes, I'm here."

"Open up, I need to talk to you."

My body froze at I looked at him in disbeleif. "I... You... Why?" I stammered.

"Don't be ignorant, Draco. Open the door."

"Yes, sir," I obliged, stepping backwards, my back against the wall.

Father stepped in, closing the door in his wake. "How are you, son?" he asked, looking down at me slightly - our heights weren't that far apart.

My brain was going crazy, what? What had he said? Huh?

"Son?"

My eyes widened as I looked at him. "Sorry?"

"You never answered my question," Lucius said, leaning against the wall, right beside me.

"Oh... I... I'm... fine," I finally got out in a pitifully hopeless voice. In the whole sixteen years of my life I had spent around my father I had suddenly found it hard to give him a straight reply.

"Are you sure you're feeling fine?" he asked, turning towards me now. His hand raised and I winced slightly, moving my face from his touch as he placed his hand against my cheek.

My eyes widened as I looked up into his eyes, they were so transfixing. It wasn't the fact that his eyes were the same mine, it was the look the had in them, the depth. I was discovering more and more sides of my father every day, and this was the newest. And again, I was frozen in place. I was so stuck in the moment that I didn't even take notice as he leant forward and brushed his own lips against my own.

It wasn't until the brush became a kiss, a ferocious kiss. Lucius' lips pressed against mine with a strength, and I couldn't pull away. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that I didn't seem able to. I knew all I had to do was move my head, but I just couldn't. I was still lost in the confusion of what was happening, and it was happening at such a hectic rate, I couldn't keep up. What was happening!

Lucius pulled his lips from mine. My eyes were closed, I didn't want to open them. I didn't want to look back into those eyes. I didn't want to see the shame in my father's face. Would he be ashamed? I feared his reaction more than anything.

Lucius seemed to gain his voice. "Draco, look at me."

"I... I can't," I still hadn't gotten over my original nervousness.

"Draco!"

At this command my eyes flicked open of their own accord.

The depth was still present in Lucius' eyes. I tried to blink but couldn't.

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Why?"

"It was my fault."

"No, Draco. It wasn't."

This was all he said, then he turned and walked out of the door, closing the door behind him as he had done when he entered. Leaving me alone, with no explanation, to ponder what had just happened.

These kind of things have a major psychological impact, at this age more than ever. And again the same word kept popping into my mind. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

This was getting ridiculous, really! How dare he just do that then leave, taking a part of me with him! Now, I got angry. How dare he!

Throwing myself onto my bed, I buried my head into my pillow, gripping it with a strength I didn't know I had in my at such a vulnerable moment. Then I did something I hadn't done in so long. I cried. I had thought my eyes out of tears, but I was mistaken. I hadn't wanted to cry, but I couldn't help it. This was too much. I was on my knees, begging for mercy. I didn't want this, I didn't deserve this. Why?

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A/N: Sorry for making this so short, but I need to stop it there. I love this story so much at this moment, it had just broken the writer's block I was beginning to feel. So I hope it gives you as much as it gave me.

Until next chapter...


	2. Fingers

Why: Chapter Two

Warning: This will get more graphic, if you don't think you can continue, I will understand.

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Chapter Two: Fingers

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Change, change, change; that's all there was now. I couldn't look father in the eye, I couldn't bare it. The pensive look was gone, it had been replaced. I hated this new look even more. I didn't understand, that was for sure. Everytime he was near, he would have that look. Mother took no notice, she was always so busy. I know its not her fault, but still I blame her.

I seemed to feel that if she could have kept father happy then he wouldn't be turning to me. But at the same time I knew I would do anything father wished, I couldn't let him down. I wouldn't let him be ashamed of me, ever.

What Father thought of me was all that matter to be now. I needed his pride back, I needed to be able to live again. I felt like I had become a shadow of my former self without him there in me, driving me. It had become more than just a want or a desire for me. It was a need, a must. I couldn't live any longer without it. Just for him to say he was happy, that he loved me, that he was proud.

It was when I realised this that the tears stopped flowing, as they had been every night; I had made a decision. I was to ready to please him. I had to tell him, he needed to know how I felt.

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Waiting outside Father's office, butterflies swarmed in my stomach. My task of hiding was over, but right now I felt as though I was standing in front of a crowd of people naked; bearing my soul. But Father loved me, I had to tell him.

I raised my hand to the door and knocked, hard and steadily.

"Yes?" came Lucius' strong voice from within the room.

"It's me, Father. May I come in?"

"Yes, yes. Come in, Draco."

The door clicked open and I stepped into the room, closing the door in my wake. Lucius was sitting behind his desk, scribbling across a piece of parchment. He looked up as I stopped in front of his desk.

"What can I do for you, son?" His voice was quiet, but calm.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was about to say. Lucius looked at me around his desk, an eyebrow raised. Seeing the expression on my face, he dropped his quill into the ink pot and stood from his chair. He moved around the desk and stood beside me.

"Is there something you wanted to say?" he asked, his hand placing itself warmly on my forearm.

My body straightened slightly at first contact, but relaxed as Lucius' warmth flowed through the connection.

I had decided to refer to Father as Lucius in my mind at these moments. This was the private Lucius, not public Lucius. Public Lucius was my father, and acted as a proper father should. Private Lucius was so sensitive and tentive, he was strong but gentle, he was so caring and loving. I felt so much closer to the latter, this was the Lucius that I wanted to be so proud of me.

"Yes, sir."

Lucius nodded, looking me directly in the eye. It was the same look he had given me when we had kissed. Everything that had happened in the time between these two moments didn't seem to matter anymore when I looked into his eyes.

"Well?" Lucius asked. His voice wasn't impatient, as it would have been in public, it was urging and patient.

"I wanted to tell you, Father. I'm ready."

"Ready?" Lucius asked, but I could see in his eyes that he knew what I meant.

I nodded, "Yes, ready."

A smile seemed to spread across Lucius' face. "How ready?"

"I'm not really sure," I said after a moments pause. I didn't know what he meant. How ready did I need to be? Were there stages of ready? I figured Lucius was about to test it.

Lucius' hand carressed my cheek, and I knew what was to come next. Lucius leant forward and brushed his lips against mine, just as he had before. His tongue slid across my lower lip as he pulled my body closer to his. The hand that had carressed my cheek was now behind my neck, but the other, it was at my collar bone, tracing the bone.

His tongue pressed for entry, I obliged and allowed Lucius to enter my mouth. It was such a rush, the feeling of having him explore as he wished, but then my attention was drawn to his hand. It was no longer at my collar bone, it was travelling.

His fingers slid down the 'V' of my shirt, and his fingers fumbled with the buttons. My shirt was open and then... the fingers didn't stop. Lucius ran his fingers along my bare chest, and down to my stomach. His fingers traced every curve of my torso and continued downwards. I didn't seem to have the strength to stop him. They wouldn't stop, the fingers reached my belt, and it was flung open. And with my father's eyes pouring into my own, his fingers slipped below the belt.

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A/N: I know, I'm evil, but I think I'll leave you guys there. Sorry, but the next chapter will be up soon, I promise.

Until then...


	3. Nothing

Why: Chapter Three

A/N: WARNING: Shortest chapter ever!

Chapter Three: Nothing.

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"No!" I suddenly shouted, trying to move backwards from him.

"What's wrong, Son? I thought you said you were ready?" Lucius asked, his pausing for a second.

"I... I thought I was, but... this is too fast," I told him, my voice hardly audible.

Lucius' face suddenly turned angry. His hands left me, releasing the tension slightly. Pushing me backwards, his eyes narrowed. "Well then don't come back until you are ready," he spat, his words hurting deeper than even my father knew.

"Father... I..."

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Lucius roared, pointing towards the door and turning his back on me. It was as though the sight of me disgusted him. I couldn't take it any longer. Quickly, I rushed out of the room, only pausing for a moment longer to look at Lucius' shaking form.

I had made him angry, but that wasn't what hurt me, it was the look in his eye as he had said those words... 'Don't come back until you are ready..." How would I know if I was ready or not? How would I please Father now? Would I even get a chance to please Father anymore? Would he dispise me that much?

Lying in my room, all I could do was pace, thinking the scene over and over again, thinking, what could I do? How? What? Why? None of it was fitting together.

Again, I sunk down onto my bed and cried, even after I had spent so long thinking crying was over. I hated showing such weakness, being so vulnerable. It was horrible, torturous. I felt wretched, and it was all my fault. All because I wasn't ready. I deserved to feel like this. I didn't deserve to have Father proud of me. I was nothing without Father's praise, and that's how I deserved to be, forever, nothing.

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Okay, this has to be the shortest chapter I have ever written, but alas, I am at a bit of a crossroads as where to go in this story. If any of you have any suggestions, I wouldn't mind if you chucked them this way. 

Special Thanks to my reviewers: escptheshdw835, Aseret Kitsune, SerentiyMeowth, TheGrimLady, treana, Slytherin-Angel44, and vote-larry4prez. You guys are awesome, thanks for keeping my story going with your awesome reviews. You guys rock!


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